The first Monday of September in the United States is Labor Day. Labor Day is to honor the workers of the USA. Sometimes these workers will moonlight as WWE wrestlers. Since, it’s Labor Day I will honor a few of those men. WWE presents Real American Heroes. Today we saluted you Repo Man, A garbage man with Duke “the Dumpster” Droese, IRS agent with Irwin R. Schyster, Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake, Tugboat, Doink the Clown, a plumber with T.L. Hopper, a prison guard with Big Boss Man and the Mountie.
Repo Man you came into the WWE in 1991. Your job was to repossess items that people were late on their payments for. When you repossessed those items, you made sure you never SMASHed those items. For some reason you were a mask like Lone Ranger instead of face paint. You were inspired by the Riddler from the Batman TV series. On your days off, you loved to play golf. Thank you, Repo Man for punishing those who were late on their payments like Macho Man Randy Savage and his hat.
Duke “the Dumpster Droese you came into the WWE in 1994. You were a garbage man. When WWE wrestlers threw away trash, you would pick them up and take it to your home. You lived in Mount Trashmore, Florida. Thank you, Duke “the Dumpster” Droese for making sure the WWE was clear of litter.
I.R.S. , aka Irwin R. Schyster, you came into the WWE in 1991. You made sure that WWE wrestlers always paid their taxes on time. You may have spent some time on Wall Street or being a captain on the sea. You will forever be my Real American as I make sure I always pay my taxes. I’m sure your son is a boliever in paying his taxes. Thank You, I.R.S. for making sure we all mailed in our 1040s by April 15th.
Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake you became a barber in the WWE in 1987. At Wrestlemania 3, you cut Adrian Adonis’s hair. You took that and became the barber of the WWE. You made sure that WWE wrestlers had properly cut hair. Instead of using scissors for cutting hair, you used garden shears. Thank you, Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake for cutting people’s hair even though your Barbershop window was broken.
Tugboat you came into the WWE in 1989. We knew you were near, when we heard you say “Toot-toot.” You weren’t afraid to ride your boat through a Typhoon. One thing I have to say to Tugboat, though. Just make sure when you enter a room, use a door, because if you go through a wall, you might fall. Thank You, Tugboat for helping those in need.
Doink the Clown you came into the WWE in 1992. You loved to play practical jokes. Even though he may have been the only one laughing. You made Crush think he was seeing double in your match at Wrestlemania IX. Thank you, Doink the Clown for putting a smile on my face.
T.L. Hopper you came into the WWE in 1996. With the help of Betsy, your faithful plunger, you made sure the plumbing in the WWE was always fixed. Even examining a brown object in a swimming pool at SummerSlam 1996. Thank you T.L. Hopper for making sure the restrooms work.
Big Boss Man you came into the WWE in 1988. You were a prison guard. You made sure everyone respected the law and order. If you didn’t, you surely will be serving hard times. Just like a former prisoner of yours Nailz. Thank you, Big Boss Man for making sure we read the signs.
The Mountie you came into the WWE in 1991. Even though this is a US holiday, I end with honoring a Canadian. He would stop any wrong doers with his shock stick. You uphold the law in Canada. Thank you Mountie for always getting your man.
If you are not up on your payment plan.
You might get a visit from the Repo Man.
If you have to throw away something from your fridge.
Duke “the Dumpster” Droese will pick up your garbage.
Make sure you have your taxes paid.
Or you have visit from I.R.S., I’m afraid.
If your hair looks like a mop.
Visit Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake’s barber shop.
If your ship is stuck and does not float.
You may need the help from Tugboat.
If you are feeling a little down.
Why don’t you hire Doink the Clown.
If your toilet is clogged and have no plunger.
Call T.L. Hopper, he is your plumber.
If you think you can get away with the crimes.
Big Boss Man will make sure you serve Hard Times.
Breaking a law In Canada, you better watch out for the Mountie.
Because he always gets his man, you see.